Do not worry. I’ve been there, and yes — it is painful, but yes — it does get better. There is nothing quite like the ache of longing and the heartbreak that follows it. Of all the lessons I’ve lived through, the most painful was losing the person I believed was my true love.
In life, there are people who stay on the surface of love and there are those who go deep. I have been both and both are scary. Some saw my perfected self. My regimented, filtered, and egoistic self. Others saw my raw, ragged, desperate, crazy and damaged self. I realize now that part of what made that so painful is that I shared my entire being and was rejected. That hurts.
What I want to share with you are 11 things that really helped me. You should know that the more difficult it is, the bigger the lesson is and the more potential you have to achieve in this life. It does not feel like it now, but this is a gift from the universe.
You must give yourself a lot of grace. You have to allow yourself to learn the lesson. Friends may give advice, people might make you feel like you need to move on, you may be battling depression or anxiety. It is all okay. But you have to learn it for yourself in your own time. LET IT UNFOLD. Send love to yourself and trust in the universe. Pray for peace for yourself and others.
Don’t worry you will get through and I am here to help.
Perform a cord cutting ceremony
See my blog post for more information on how to do this safely. This will energetically burn the string that attaches you to your ex. Your mindset of absolving the relationship is just as important as the ceremony.
Do a relationship autopsy
A Dr. Phil special 🙂 9 Questions To Ask Yourself To Learn From Your Last Relationship
Journal as much as possible
Writing takes your heart and mind and puts it on paper. The more I journaled, the more I recognized patterns, repetitive thoughts, and my intuition. Get it all out and do not hold back. It is fine, we would all be behind bars if our journals were revealed! Write your true feelings, be honest.
Read, podcast, grow your social network
Start exploring what interests you. I found so much healing in learning about the psychology of patterns. Check out my blog for my best recommendations in healing heartbreak.
Get curious about your ancestral trauma
We carry trauma, insecurities, pain and struggle from our parents and ancestors experience. The more I learned about my ancestors, the more love I was able to give my parents and therefore, myself.
Speak to a therapist, a life coach, or other 3rd party
I will always be an advocate for therapy. You can try it and see what works for you. Therapy made me feel validated in a way I had never felt. I also tried a life coach and several reiki practitioners. I’m eternally grateful for all of these people who helped me.
Tap into what brings you joy, do more of that
Think back to what you enjoyed as a child before you learned responsibilities and “shoulds.” Whatever that is, sign up for classes, spend an hour a week on it, or promise yourself you will prioritize this thing going forward.
Practice morning affirmations and evening gratitude
Come up with a list of what you want and make it into an affirmation list to say every morning as if you already have it. Then at night, go through your day and think up at least 3 things you are thankful for. Bonus points if you say a prayer too. This is a trick from Dr. Swart.
Give back
The world is dying for more givers. Whatever your life mission is, it has to be for good, and you have to give back for it to work out. Remember that. Something I started doing was on my morning commute is to say a prayer for at least 1 stranger on the train. I would something basic in my head like “I hope something amazing happens to that person today.”
Make your health your #1 priority
Put yourself first in all ways. You need to take care of your mental and physical health so say no to things, do not cancel your workout classes, and make being healthy fun! Try new recipes, add color to your dishes, go to the farmer’s market – your body deserves love!
Do things solo
Doing things on your own is one of my best pieces of advice. Being able to push yourself and sit in some awkward situations is going to lead you to new places. Successfully doing things solo is going to signal to your brain that you are capable, and you are strong. This is my #1 non-negotiable. If you can get outside while doing it, even better!
A life worthy of you 